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Confidence
by Matt Cronshaw | 01/05/09
Back in February I was with the team in Spain on a training camp and all was going well. I was getting to know all my new team mates, enjoying the weather and the beautiful waitress working at the Hotel restaurant.
One evening about halfway through the camp, I was sat in my room talking to Simon. We were chatting about things in general; girlfriends, work, hobbies etc and this is when, through maybe a bit of home sickness, I suddenly decided that my life was no longer worth living. Despite the fact that I have a beautiful girlfriend, a loving family and plenty of things I like to do other than cycling, I somehow came to the conclusion that I had nothing to do other than cycle, I had no friends and I didn’t really like my life! To this day I still have no idea quite how my brain was working that day.
Simon sat patiently trying not to laugh, as I poured my heart out. He tried his best to make me feel better by telling me things that I could get into, like books and music but I just wouldn’t budge from my self-loathing.
The next morning, I went to breakfast, and somehow, between the previous evening and 8am that day, everyone seemed to know about my manic depressive state and I received a fairly decent ribbing. Coming from mostly John, Kristian and Simon who all thought I was an idiot. We got most of the banter out of the way and then headed out on our bikes for training. I went the whole ride without anyone saying a single word about it and I thought that the jokes were over, alas later that evening after dinner, I had a visit from Dr Southam.
Tom came in with a smirk on his face and started to talk to me about my ‘Depression’. He must have talked at me for a good hour, the main subject being ‘Confidence and how it is the key to the world’. All the while Simon sat listening again trying not to burst into laughter. I could tell by Tom’s facial expressions and the tone in his voice that he was taking the piss, but it certainly cheered me up and made me realise how stupid I was being. Although the hour of listening to a patronising Tom Southam might well have made me feel better, I still believe that he did it just to relieve his own boredom!
Despite the comedy grin and sarcastic tone, everything that Tom said to me that evening made perfect sense, confidence really is the key! I’m telling you this in light of my recent wins in Ireland and an email from him reminding me about what happened in Spain. A year ago I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do what I did. I would have backed out of attacks telling myself that I wasn’t strong enough to go from so far out. But now with some new found faith in myself I’m no longer a pathetic excuse for a bike rider, my confidence is brimming, I’m enjoying life, and thanks to Simon I’ve started to read and my iTunes library is getting pretty big, (although it doesn’t contain any of the love ballads Simon insisted on).
So I recommend to you all, my Shrink –
Dr T.Southam
Address – Lizard Lounge, Bristol, BR5 7JH, England
Tel: 0786574563
